So it was about 8 years ago when I finally realized there was something very wrong with my way of thinking, in my marriage that is. I was raised in brokenness. My parents divorced when I was 4, they both remarried and divorced again and by the time I was 15 they were both living with people they were not married to. I do not share this to judge my parents in any way, rather to show where I formed my views on what a married relationship should look like. Truth is I had no idea what a healthy marriage looked like! Fast forward 10 years and I am now 25 standing at the front of a chapel, promising to love, honor and OBEY (oh yes, I said it ladies). I was a brand new believer and now a brand new wife.....Yeah, needless to say the first two years of marriage were HARD! I thought I had this relationship thing all figured out, I'm a christian now so the Holy Spirit will just automatically "make" me love, honor and obey. Come to find that is not how it works at all. I not only had the wrong idea about relationships but I also had the wrong idea about Marriage.
Oh the big Day, my wedding! When we exchanged vows on my wedding day I had the misconception that I was making a covenant with my husband and he with me, I was completely wrong. It was not one covenant but two, I was making a covenant with God to love, honor and obey. My husband made his own covenant with God to love, honor, protect and LEAD. So for two years of my life I tried to get him to be the husband he promised "me" he would be (not that he was that far off) and I totally ignored what I had promised "him". I thought if he would just LEAD me the way I think he should then I would OBEY the way I should. Totally missed the mark, I promised God I would love, honor and obey my husband and it was an eye opening day when I realized God expects me to uphold my covenant with Him REGARDLESS of what my husband is doing or not doing. I am responsible for my actions and only my actions. My husband had to answer to God NOT to me and truth is I wasn't really the easiest person to love in my critical pride but he loved me anyway.
Our thinking must always be tested by Gods word and we have to be willing to evaluate our own hearts and actions. Oh the blame game seems to be so much easier but honestly do you want to be right or do you want to have a God honoring marriage? Let God do a work in you and your marriage. Confess to Him any ways you are dishonoring your covenant with Him ask Him to help you walk through any obstacles that are preventing you from being the wife He created you to be and it may not be popular int his post modern culture but we are called to Godly submission..... More on that next time :)